30 Second Podcast Transcripts

* Open on clip from episode 9. Shannon, Reese, and Michael are on a zoom call. Shannon is wearing a baby blue shirt, Michael is wearing a green shirt, Reese is wearing a dark navy blue shirt and a sombrero. There is another picture of Shannon for some reason* Shannon (in disbelief): "Bugs?" Reese (quietly): "yeah" Shannon (in slow motion, pitched down to sound deep): "BUGS? MY FANS DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT BUGS THEY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ME" *dramatic, cinematic music begins, a black screen appears that says "After weeks..." then fades to say "of groundbreaking content..."* Michael (Voice over dubbed over the text): "The question this week? How do you guys feel about BETRAYAL?" *text fades. New text appears that says "The Saga Comes To a Close"* Reese (Voice over dubbed over the text, sounds distressed): "BUT I LOVE YOU!" Shannon (Begins as voice over with the same text, but text fades out to reveal Shannon

*Open on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Everyone is smiling. Shannon is wearing a baby blue shirt, Michael is wearing a green shirt, Reese is wearing a dark navy blue shirt and a sombrero. There is another picture of Shannon for some reason* Reese: “Alright, boys, you know what time it is- what’s your favorite bug?” *Michael and Reese are still smiling, Shannon immediately loses his smile. There is a brief pause* Shannon: “Bugs?” Reese: “Yeah” Shannon (yelling): “BUGS?! My fans don’t want to hear about BUGS *slams table* They want to hear about ME. *Shannon continues banging the table while getting noticeably angrier* Read the comments, Reese. Read the comments, Michael. It’s about ME. They wanna hear more about Shannon. It’s the Shannon Show. And you guys are RUINING it for me.” *small pause, Shannon shifts to more calm* “I’m going solo. I quit.” *Michael and Reese look stunned and there is a pause. Reese takes off his sombrero* Michael: “… Are you guys wearing the same s

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon is wearing a baby blue t-shirt and looks excited. Reese is wearing a navy blue t-shirt and headphones. Michael is wearing a black t-shirt and is staring out of the window next to him.* Shannon: "An e-mail from our self-proclaimed "biggest fan". Our biggest fan writes: 'What is your favorite pie?' Well, biggest fan, my personal favorite pie is Ted's haupia chocolate pie- best in Hawaii! You guys?" Reese: "I gotta go with uh- if you're in Hawaii- Ted's strawberry guava. What about you, Michael, hows it up there in Portland?" *slight pause, Michael continues looking out the window, very concerned* Michael: "There's an unmarked van abducting people *slight pause, then Michael turns to face the camera* Also we're more of a doughnut city" *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley fa

*Opens on 3 unnamed women on a zoom call. Unnamed woman 1 has long hair covering her shirt. Unnamed woman 2 is in a car, with a face mask below her chin and a blue shirt. Unnamed woman 3 is wearing glasses and a pattered shirt.* Unnamed woman 1: "Does the 30 Second Podcast pass the Bechdel test? I think *slight pause* no." Unnamed woman 2: *shakes her head no* "No, definitely not." Unnamed woman 3: "No" *extremely long pause* *seriously it's a super long pause* *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley face. Outro music- "The 30 Second PODCAAAAST... LADIES ONLY"* (Unnamed women are Missy Ketchum, Audrey Keesing, and Jasmine Bautista respectively)

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon is wearing a white t-shirt and looks angry. Reese is wearing a blue t-shirt and headphones, with a baseball cap, worn backward. Michael is wearing a black t-shirt.* Reese: *points to camera* "Got lot of direct messages from you folks about last episode not letting Shannon finish. This episode is dedicated to Shannon getting his idea out... right after this sponsor" Michael: "Uhh so today we are sponsored by TheLoveBracelet! A company that sells bracelets to raise awareness and money for domestic violence prevention. We have a coupon code for our listeners today. Michael-MadsenJr gets you 35% off and FREE US shipping" *Michael smiles* *long pause* Shannon "Wait... why is it YOUR name?" *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley face. Outro music- "The 30 Second PODCAAAAST"*

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon is wearing a white t-shirt and is looking down, obviously upset. Reese is wearing a blue t-shirt and headphones, with a baseball cap. He looks excited. Michael is wearing a black t-shirt.* Reese: *Reese uses his fingers to count off as he lists reasons* "They're in hummus, you can fry them, you can dry them, they're in falafel" Michael: "I just don't think people are gonna want to hear about garbanzo beans as a podcast episode" Reese: "Okay *points fingers* they're also chickpeas, in case-" Michael: Sh-Is Shannon okay? Reese: "Chickpeas" Michael: "Sh-Shannon what's wrong?" Reese: *very quietly* "chickpeas" Shannon: *Shannon immediately becomes much more distressed, and raises his arms in a tantrum-like way* "KANYE WEST IS RUNNING FOR PRES- *Shannon is cut off by the outro* *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are