30 Second Podcast Transcripts

*Open on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Looping footage of an emotional Will Smith is placed to look like a 4th member of the Zoom call. Shannon is wearing a floral green Aloha print shirt and sunglasses. Michael is wearing a black patterned shirt. Reese is wearing a black shirt, a white hat, and headphones. Will Smith is wearing a grey shirt and a heartbroken expression* Shannon: "Wanted this episode for a long, long time. Today's question? Shannon, what is your type of woman? Well-" Michael (interrupts): "MY TURN. MY TURN" Shannon: "Wh- I didn't even get to do my outro yet" Michael (Yelling): "Too bad! You get 10 seconds, I get 10 seconds! I have Will Smith as a guest. I paid ALL my money and I got Will Smith as a guest-" Reese: "Okay. That's it. *points to camera* That's your time and that's Shannon's time because we agreed we each got 10 seconds and now it's my turn to talk about jellyfish, b-*bee

* Open on clip from episode 9. Shannon, Reese, and Michael are on a zoom call. Shannon is wearing a baby blue shirt, Michael is wearing a green shirt, Reese is wearing a dark navy blue shirt and a sombrero. There is another picture of Shannon for some reason* Shannon (in disbelief): "Bugs?" Reese (quietly): "yeah" Shannon (in slow motion, pitched down to sound deep): "BUGS? MY FANS DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT BUGS THEY WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ME" *dramatic, cinematic music begins, a black screen appears that says "After weeks..." then fades to say "of groundbreaking content..."* Michael (Voice over dubbed over the text): "The question this week? How do you guys feel about BETRAYAL?" *text fades. New text appears that says "The Saga Comes To a Close"* Reese (Voice over dubbed over the text, sounds distressed): "BUT I LOVE YOU!" Shannon (Begins as voice over with the same text, but text fades out to reveal Shannon

*Open on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Everyone is smiling. Shannon is wearing a baby blue shirt, Michael is wearing a green shirt, Reese is wearing a dark navy blue shirt and a sombrero. There is another picture of Shannon for some reason* Reese: “Alright, boys, you know what time it is- what’s your favorite bug?” *Michael and Reese are still smiling, Shannon immediately loses his smile. There is a brief pause* Shannon: “Bugs?” Reese: “Yeah” Shannon (yelling): “BUGS?! My fans don’t want to hear about BUGS *slams table* They want to hear about ME. *Shannon continues banging the table while getting noticeably angrier* Read the comments, Reese. Read the comments, Michael. It’s about ME. They wanna hear more about Shannon. It’s the Shannon Show. And you guys are RUINING it for me.” *small pause, Shannon shifts to more calm* “I’m going solo. I quit.” *Michael and Reese look stunned and there is a pause. Reese takes off his sombrero* Michael: “… Are you guys wearing the same s

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon is wearing a baby blue t-shirt and looks excited. Reese is wearing a navy blue t-shirt and headphones. Michael is wearing a black t-shirt and is staring out of the window next to him.* Shannon: "An e-mail from our self-proclaimed "biggest fan". Our biggest fan writes: 'What is your favorite pie?' Well, biggest fan, my personal favorite pie is Ted's haupia chocolate pie- best in Hawaii! You guys?" Reese: "I gotta go with uh- if you're in Hawaii- Ted's strawberry guava. What about you, Michael, hows it up there in Portland?" *slight pause, Michael continues looking out the window, very concerned* Michael: "There's an unmarked van abducting people *slight pause, then Michael turns to face the camera* Also we're more of a doughnut city" *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley fa

*Opens on 3 unnamed women on a zoom call. Unnamed woman 1 has long hair covering her shirt. Unnamed woman 2 is in a car, with a face mask below her chin and a blue shirt. Unnamed woman 3 is wearing glasses and a pattered shirt.* Unnamed woman 1: "Does the 30 Second Podcast pass the Bechdel test? I think *slight pause* no." Unnamed woman 2: *shakes her head no* "No, definitely not." Unnamed woman 3: "No" *extremely long pause* *seriously it's a super long pause* *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley face. Outro music- "The 30 Second PODCAAAAST... LADIES ONLY"* (Unnamed women are Missy Ketchum, Audrey Keesing, and Jasmine Bautista respectively)

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon is wearing a white t-shirt and looks angry. Reese is wearing a blue t-shirt and headphones, with a baseball cap, worn backward. Michael is wearing a black t-shirt.* Reese: *points to camera* "Got lot of direct messages from you folks about last episode not letting Shannon finish. This episode is dedicated to Shannon getting his idea out... right after this sponsor" Michael: "Uhh so today we are sponsored by TheLoveBracelet! A company that sells bracelets to raise awareness and money for domestic violence prevention. We have a coupon code for our listeners today. Michael-MadsenJr gets you 35% off and FREE US shipping" *Michael smiles* *long pause* Shannon "Wait... why is it YOUR name?" *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley face. Outro music- "The 30 Second PODCAAAAST"*

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon is wearing a white t-shirt and is looking down, obviously upset. Reese is wearing a blue t-shirt and headphones, with a baseball cap. He looks excited. Michael is wearing a black t-shirt.* Reese: *Reese uses his fingers to count off as he lists reasons* "They're in hummus, you can fry them, you can dry them, they're in falafel" Michael: "I just don't think people are gonna want to hear about garbanzo beans as a podcast episode" Reese: "Okay *points fingers* they're also chickpeas, in case-" Michael: Sh-Is Shannon okay? Reese: "Chickpeas" Michael: "Sh-Shannon what's wrong?" Reese: *very quietly* "chickpeas" Shannon: *Shannon immediately becomes much more distressed, and raises his arms in a tantrum-like way* "KANYE WEST IS RUNNING FOR PRES- *Shannon is cut off by the outro* *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon's camera is turned off so you only see a picture of him. Reese is wearing a black shirt and headphones, with a baseball hat. Michael is wearing a beige shirt.* Reese: "I think this has been going on for too long and it needs to be addressed. Uh.. Toxic masculinity should be a-annihilated and ANY amount is way too much. Shannon: "I don't believe toxic masculinity exists at all" Michael: *looks stunned* "Are you kidding me, Shannon? Toxic masculinity absolutely exists... and it's the perfect amount" *Outro music plays over graphic of the words "Happy Juneteenth from the 30 second podcast" over a background of fireworks. The music is to the tune of Hail to the Chief with the lyrics "Ay that's the podcast, the 30 second podcast. And it's the end of this e-e-e-episo-o-ode. Thanks for joining us. It's done"*

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon's camera is turned off so you only see a picture of him. Reese is wearing a black shirt and headphones, with a backward hat. Michael is wearing a beige shirt.* Michael: "Our first fan mail!" *Michael holds up a sheet of notebook paper with "CUPS OR STIX - HEATHER" written poorly on it* "Um, Heather from Honolulu writes 'Do you guys prefer Reese's peanut butter cups or Reese's sticks?' *puts down paper* Well, I'm more of a cups guy myself." Shannon: *long pause* "STICKS" Reese: "You know, I think I'm a little to old to be like *finger quotes* into *end finger quotes* a candy. *slight pause. Michael takes the fanmail and crumples it into a ball, tossing it over his shoulder* *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley face. Outro music- "The 30 Second PODCAAAAST"*

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon's camera is sideways, and zoomed in to only see half of his face. Reese is wearing a black shirt and headphones. Michael is wearing a grey shirt.* Shannon: "Just my opinion, I've noticed an increase in physicality amongst our youth today. I don't think that's the way that we should be solving our issues. I personally believe that *Shannon begins clapping between words for emphasis* violence solves no problems. What do you guys think?" Reese: "Uhh... You know, I think violence actually solves ALL problems" Michael: "I'm gonna kinda go in the middle here. I think violence solves... SOME... problems" *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley face. Outro music- "The 30 Second PODCAAAAST"*

*Opens on Shannon, Reese, and Michael on a zoom call. Shannon's camera is sideways, and zoomed in to only see half of his face. Reese is wearing a black shirt and headphones. Michael is wearing a grey shirt.* Reese: Alright guys, lately I've been thinking that all of our information comes from all these long extended podcasts or you need to watch news all day to get your opinion but I think that we need a podcast that gets straight down to the nitty gritty. A podcast that gets straight to the meat of the matter and is ALWAYS RIGHT *Reese gestures passionately* and I think we can provide that FOR THE PEOPLE. What do you guys think?" Michael: "Uh. I disagree with you" Shannon: "Uhhhhhh... Maybe" *slight pause* Reese: "Okay cool" *Outro graphic displays, the words "30 Second Podcast" are engulfed in poorly drawn flames that turn into a smiley face. Outro music- "The 30 Second PODCAAAAST"*